Hiatus...

I know I've been absent for awhile...not that anyone is reading this anyway. This has been a very trying week....month....winter for me thus far. My brother is back, my mom is having knee surgery and my nephews are practically living here.

On the upside I found my sister again. Unfortunately her father was bitching about me to my aunt which led to my being informed that I was an aunt again. His delivery is always shit, but the news was fantastic. A little boy, 8lbs 2oz, 21in long born on October 31, 2011. :) I've seen pictures of him on my sister's FB page. I'll hopefully meet them soon. :) He's got an unusual but interesting and unique name, but if you know me...you know how I feel about posting pictures or the names of my child relatives. With the prevalence of pedophiles on the internet I won't put them at risk. Cause for the reals, if some pedophile tried to get to any one of my nephews I'd be on death row for torturing and murdering the son of a bitch. NO LIE.

Anyway....this year has been good for the most part, saw my 3rd and 4th Maroon 5 shows. Saw Kings of Leon and am hoping to see Gomez beginning of next year. :) Discovered new music and am loving life at the moment. Hopefully next year goes even better than this year. :) God willing Adele will FINALLY make an appearance in the ATX after cancelling 3 shows this year. I am hoping to see Maroon 5 again soon as well as the word on the wire is that they're working on a new album even as we "speak". I wanted to go to the show in OK but it sold out before I could even make plans. :( Oh well, NYE is probably not the best show to see them at, seeing as I've come close to throwing down at every show I've been to. LOL

Anyway, just checking in to let you know I'm alive & kicking still. Maybe I'll review the shows I've been to....then again I have another blog dedicated solely to music. If I can remember my password and login. Anyway....nite world, sleep tight.

ISO 1200 Magazine | Photography Video blog for photographers: Behind the Scenes look at Adam Levine being photog...

ISO 1200 Magazine Photography Video blog for photographers: Behind the Scenes look at Adam Levine being photog...: by keren aronoff

The Return...

So my computer contracted a virus...my brother was trying to watch some UFC fight between two really old guys and the site he was using was "iffy" at best. I don't know what he did/didn't do but my computer went nuts. i was able to shut it down and disconnect my EHD within seconds but the damage was done to my computer. THANK GOD my EHD was spared!!! So....long story short.....I've been out of commission for several months because I was just too lazy to take my computer apart so I could have my cousin's husband take a look at it. I eventually did and he wiped it completely. Reloaded my OS and basic shit I needed to get it up and running. THEN....I let the tower sit on my desk untouched for several more months. My interest in being online waning all the while seeing as the friends I thought I had had abandoned me and the ONE that I could count on had decided to step away and embrace her REALITY and spend more time with her family. So....inadvertantly I weaned myself from my internet addictions.

However....my beloved nephew was missing his online games so I set it all up again. Loaded security software, updated flash drivers, more secure browsers.....all to satisfy my Beloved Boy. And here I am....back in the swing of things although I still don't come her often. Usually just when I'm beyond bored or just curious. I can get updates when I need them, and check my email from my smartphone so a computer is not necessary except for certain sites and playing games. :)

So....let's see where this goes. I am however very saddened to find that John and Carl Mayer have all but disappeared from the virtual world. Ben is still here but his visits are few and far between. :( ah well....i'll find other avenues for my entertainment.

onward ho...

Can't Get Enough...

Seriously, I am so in love with the new Maroon5 album. I cannot get enough of it. It is sooo good. the only songs I skip over are Misery and Last Chance. Frankly these being the only songs we had for so long ... I may have overplayed them. Now that I have the entire album to listen too I'm so having an affair with the new songs.

I have to say... No Curtain Call has to be one of my absolute favorites. It's got this whole arena anthem feel reminiscent of Queen's The Show Must Go On (another personal favorite, yes I ADORE Queen). The energetic and very danceable Get Back In My Life has this Abbaesque feel that puts me in mind of songs like Dancing Queen, Voulez Vous, and Waterloo. I know...I'm totally giving my inner geek the stage here. What can I say? I LOVE music. All music. Each song takes you on a different journey...telling a story of heartbreak.

Adam Levine does heartbreak so beautifully. I am so enamored with his voice. He so delivers on this album showing his incredible range - vocally, musically and lyrically. Seriously, if you haven't pre-ordered your copy of this album.... DO IT NOW!!! September 21st cannot get here soon enough.

Having listened to the entire album now, I am completely UBER excited about the second leg of this tour. I'm hoping to hear these songs performed LIVE!!! You KNOW this band is EXCEPTIONAL live. One of the best I've seen. A small request from a loyal fan....can we please have NO CURTAIN CALL, HANDS ALL OVER, JUST A FEELING, OUT OF GOODBYES, RUNAWAY and HOW in Houston on October 22nd?? PLEASE!!!! I'll bring goodies and undies!! I promise.

PS If you'd like a preview of the album before September 21st...the band is streaming it on their station at iheartradio.com. I have a link in the previous post and the widget on my page.

Preview Hands All Over on iheartradio

Pre-Order Hands All Over on iTunes

Maroon 5 Radio

Maroon 5 Radio

Falling short...

As much as I wanted to refrain from lashing out, I fell short of my goals. Even as I did it, I KNEW it would come back to bite me in the ass. Yet, my anger didn't care about consequences...not the backlash that would surely follow, not the instant regret and most definitely not the confrontation that followed. I wanted her to hurt and the surest way of causing her pain was to do the unthinkable. That's exactly what I did.

My former friend, one whom I trusted implicitly and loved dearly, who later proved to be less than honest and far from loyal; she has many enemies but one in particular who vexes her tremendously. My wounded pride and battered soul wanted revenge, it wanted to make her bleed the way I bled. Her arch-nemesis posted something nasty and snarky about her to her favorite celebrities. I saw the post and I KNEW it was about her; I did the most heinous thing I could think of. I reposted the comment which was RESENT to the celebrity. As soon as I hit post I instantaneously felt regret...but my pain was still raw and still fresh.

Days passed and I thought, with some small hope, that my transgression had been overlooked or perhaps missed. All hopes were dashed when I opened my email to find a missive from said ex-friend. I knew without opening the email exactly what it was about. I left it unopened for a few days, rationalizing that if I didn't open it I wouldn't have to face the music. She wouldn't pursue it. Yet everytime I opened my inbox there it was, haunting me. I finally opened it and read it. As expected, it was questioning my actions. How I could do something so horrible, how she never expected it from me. My guilt turned to anger. Who was she to question me? We weren't friends anymore, I owed her nothing. Inspite of what she thought, we did NOT part on good terms. I irrationally justified my actions to myself, yet deep in my heart I knew it was bullshit. I removed the offending missive and forgot about it.

Weeks later, while waiting to IM my good friend a window popped up. It was HER. The confrontation had finally come. She demanded to know why I treated her so shabbily. I tried to think of a plausible lie to avoid the whole drama. Everything in me said lie...but I spoke honestly. I told her it had been deliberately designed to hurt her. She immediately closed the window on me. I knew she hadn't logged off, she'd probably went to vent about me to her NEW best friend. I asked her if that was it? Was that how she was gonna leave it? She came back and we battled it out. My pain, her issues with trust, my issues with trust. It was ugly and rough but when it was all said and done, I knew I could move on. I'd had my closure. I could forgive her for the wrongs I felt she did me, she forgave me. I apologized for going to the worst place she could think of. I promised her it wouldn't happen again. It hasn't. I don't even feel the desire to hurt her anymore. It is well and truly over. I can move on and leave that chapter in my life behind. For that I am thankful.

Funny thing is...in the midst of the battle, once it was all out and the apologies had been offered and accepted, forgiveness granted...the tone of the conversation changed. We were back to sharing and talking like we used to in the beginning, when our friendship was strong and I believed nothing could break that bond. Halfway through I asked her...what are we doing? What does this mean? We aren't friends anymore but we're talking like we used to. It was too comfortable and that worried me. I had forgiven her but I couldn't trust her like I used to. I think that familiarity was too much. I still feel some tiny bit of loyalty to her. Even though our friendship was uneven and probably not true...I loved her and I gave my friendship fully and wholeheartedly. Even now, it would be so easy to fall into it again, but without trust it would fall apart again. I've had too many heartbreaks this year. I can't take much more. I won't put myself in that position again. I can be civil...but I can't offer friendship anymore. It's very sad but so very true.

Don't Be Bitter, Be BETTER......

So last night Fuse presented the Tour Kickoff/charity concert by Maroon 5 at the historical Beacon Theatre in New York City. Being that it was a charity event the majority of the tickets were reserved for the charity organizers and a few were to be "raffled" off so to speak to fans. Apparently one of my FORMER friends won tickets. I can't say that I'm happy for her....before our falling out I would have been ecstatic for her....but my wounded heart isn't quite that healed yet. I did see on twitter however that her nemeses were quite vocal in their disdain and smarminess towards her. I don't know why I continue to monitor these things. They were so nasty about her appearance on the Maroon 5 TODAY show appearance. They were so nasty about it. I actually refrained from watching footage simply because I didn't want to be tempted to sink to that level. My conscience would not allow me to partake of those nasty comments. As angry as I was with her...I felt compelled to defend her...and yet my wounded soul wanted to join in and pick at her vulnerabilities. I chose instead to refrain from all mentions of the event and to not even view the footage. It was perhaps the most adult decision I've made in the last 3 years.

These conflicting emotions are still present...and they trouble me. I want to forget all of it...our 3 year friendship, our rift....her existence. I think by eradicating her from my memory is the only way to be at peace. It's just that this goes against everything in my nature. I don't ever forget....I don't run from conflict. I'm not THAT coward who retreats and hides when they're wounded. Yet for my peace of mind and to maintain my integrity....i must...

Knowing this concert was gonna be in her town....i so desperately wished for her to be excluded from attending....i didn't want her to have another notch in her belt. And to find that she attended with my "replacement".... that was just another slap in the face. I shouldn't care, and mostly i don't....but it wounds my pride. MY PRIDE. Is it any wonder PRIDE is the deadliest sin? The easiest to commit and the hardest to avoid. I assisted my good friend in obtaining the audio of the concert to be distributed amongst the fans...and all the while it went through my mind....don't send it to HER. LEAVE her off the mailing list. I actually thought about lying to my friend and telling her i wasn't able to rip the show....but i love and respect her too much to lie to her. Besides there were other fans i call friends that weren't able to listen online. To deny them would be unjust and cruel. Even as i emailed the file to her....my heart and soul were crying out to deny HER....deny Her the sweat of my labor. I had to wash my hands of it to keep the bitterness from invading.

It infuriates me that her betrayal and callousness still affect me. I honestly don't know that i'd want her for a friend again.....she proved herself to be a false one....but I refuse to give her power over me any longer. I will be free of her once and for all. Let her false nature be her downfall...i'll have nothing more to do with it or her. I believe in Karma....and it seems....now that i no longer defend her she's gone into hiding. Blocking her twitter and refraining from adding friends she does not know personally. The attacks i fear will only increase in frequency and severity...i can see it already. I hope she develops that thick skin and fire i always encouraged for her....my influence has given her more strength than she possessed before. May it serve her well.

I hope you had a good time at the concert last night, and i hope the ones coming up are equally as great. .....

maybe one day i will mean it whole heartedly.....for now......its a sentiment i wish i felt.....and THAT will have to suffice.